Don't Be a Fixer!

We were at a sporting practice last night, and I was trying to encourage my teenage son to join in with some of the other kids in his grade. He responded with "none of them like me" and it followed with some watery eyes. Man, my mama heart hurt and I wanted to fix it. But I didn't.

We stood there in silence, because he didn't need me to fix it, he just needed me to be there and in it with him. Which is exactly what I did. It just took some eye contact, a smile, and my presence, that's all.

You see, in that moment, no matter what I could have said he was not in the right state of mind to hear it.

His thoughts were so loud and in charge, that no matter what positive reinforcements I could have given him, they would have landed on deaf ears.

It did get addressed later and we talked about how our thoughts sometimes tell us stories. We recounted some of the situations where that statement wasn't true, and I showed him how to take a step forward. Mindset is so tricky, especially for our teenagers trying to navigate life and trying to be so independent.

Here's the deal, I think we all go into fix mode way too often, when in reality people just want to feel validated and heard. They want to feel like they are not alone and that the person they confide in can just sit in it with them.

Are you listening to solve or are you listening to support?

One of the things that I have found very helpful as a parent, spouse, leader, coach, business owner... when someone comes to you and wants to talk something out, ask them if they want you to listen, fix, or give advice, before the conversation begins.

Then, the HARDEST part, follow through!

Let's all create the space for everyone to feel heard, supported, and loved!

Best,

Lindsey

PS. Need someone to support you, let’s chat!