The Importance of Decisions

I was on deployment for the Army in 2003-2004. I was in an all medical unit, so we never deployed as a whole. This was a peace keeping mission to Kosovo and it was being led by the 113th Cavalry. I’m telling you this because the Cavalry is made up of 100% men. So, to be a woman getting deployed with that unit was not common and I knew it was going to provide its own challenges.

We started our deployment off in Savanah Georgia where we went through a readiness program to ensure we had the proper training for what was in front of us. I even got my European license so we could drive abroad. The Autobahn, a highway system in Germany with no speed limits, was a whole new concept that I couldn’t even fathom.

We transition to Hohenfels Germany in January, where our barracks were called tent city. It is just what you imagine, the big Army tents that probably sleep more than 20 people lined up row after row. Now let me tell you something that you might not know, Germany and Iowa’s weather are pretty much the same. So, sleeping in tents in the dead of winter was about as fun as you can imagine. I remember bringing my clothes and my water into my sleeping bag so it wouldn’t freeze overnight.

Fast forward to when we finally arrived at Kosovo. No amount of training or education could give you a real glimpse into what you should expect walking into a situation like that. Streets made of dirt, no road rules whatsoever, garbage everywhere, toilets that were concrete holes in the ground, houses that looked abandoned, dogs were considered wild, and some of the friendliest people I have ever met!

We had the honor of setting up mobile field hospitals and ran clinics to provide medical aid to those that could not afford it. The gratitude and praise we received for providing basic essentials, such as Tylenol or a bandage wrap, was overwhelming. It felt like we were providing so little and yet they felt like we were giving them the world. We created friendships and built relationships that impact me even to this day.

In March of 2004 there was a shift between the people and the government. I don’t remember exactly what it was over, but I remember it only lasted a few days. There were riots, molotov cocktails, homemade bombs, AK47s… In those few short days, I gained a lifetime of hands on experience of making tough decisions, staying calm through the chaos, controlling my stress, and understanding the importance of my team.

We were headed out on patrol to help out a squad at police headquarters. The sun was just starting to set, so very little natural light. Remember, there are no streetlights, so we only had our headlights from our vehicle and flashlights. During our drive we found several cars tipped over and burning, buildings spray painted, and houses ransacked. The sound of explosions was going off in the near distance and we heard screaming and yelling, yet we saw so little people where we were. The air was thick and foggy from things burning and smoke bombs being setting off.

The police were all gathered outside the station in full riot gear, guarding the gates and preparing for what might come. They were practically linked arm and arm and there were a good fifty of them. I remember we dismounted our vehicle and were headed to the other squad, which was a couple of blocks away. Because I was the only medic with the squad I was in the back.

We had made it about a block on foot and most of my squad had turned the corner. To my right was a building tucked back and a little alley, super dark. As the rest of my squad turned the corner, a dark figure came out holding what I could only assume was a bomb. Because of my many years of training I was able to react quickly with no hesitation.

I raised my M16 and started shouting for him to get on the ground. My adrenaline was pumping. All the noise around me went silent, my head started pounding, and my heart was racing. You see, I realized in that moment I was on my own. My squad was not in sight, and it was just me.

I took time to take a deep breath and gain my focus, and when I did my stomach sank. Standing in front me was a boy, maybe 12, and I was being faced with a life changing decision. He just stood there, with fear in his eyes and a weapon in his hands. As much as I shouted for him to drop it and get on his knees, he just stood there. He looked confused and scared. I couldn’t predict what he would do. So many questions entered my thoughts. Was he acting alone? Was someone forcing him to do this? Would he really throw it?

In the corner of my eye, I could see my team had turned around and they were aware of what was going on. I knew I had to make a decision. Do I shoot and live with the outcome for the rest of my life? Do I do nothing, which could end my life? Or do I hold fast and see if my team could get there in time? I was staring down the barrel of my gun at an impossible decision.

So, I took a deep breath, tried to tune out the noise, and listened to my gut. I made a decision. I held fast and waited 30 more seconds for my team to get into position. It felt like minutes, even hours. They moved so quick and from behind that he didn’t see it coming. Tackled by two of my squad members, they got him on the ground and hands bound. In that moment, I knew I made the right call.

Looking back on those events, things could have turned out really bad. Life changing bad. I know not everyone is as lucky as I was. This moment in my life still makes a profound impact on how I handle things. Here’s what I learned:

When it comes to decisions take time to react. Your first instinct isn’t always the right one. Sometimes more information is better. But once you decide, stick with it, and give it a chance. Trust your gut!

When you are feeling stressed, take a deep breath. This will help bring things into focus and give you clarity. You can manage this. Half of the stress you are feeling can be controlled through being prepared and ready.

Lastly, delegate and walk beside your team. Yes, you can do it all on your own. However, if you don’t give them a chance to learn by doing, they are never going to be up to your standards. Give them a chance. When they are YOUR people, and you are a good leader, they always show up.